“Do I really need this?”

Today I discovered that I owned almost 100 eyeshadows. Most of which I’d used once and never looked at again because they weren’t the quality I expected or the colour I thought they would be. Also discovered that I had at least 10 lip products more than I’d estimated. That’s when you ask yourself the question “do I really need this?”.


The odd thing is that I don’t wear that much makeup on a day to day basis. It’s a cushion compact + some lip product and then I’m out the door. Sure, I like doing a brown smokey eye or wear eyeliner every now and then. But I clearly did not need 90+ eyeshadows. So I’ve thrown about 20 out or given them away. And about 10 lip products.

I go through phases when I collect things. It can be notebooks, bath bombs, eyeshadows, anything. The sheer amount of products that I own due to that is a bit weird. It’s not until I go through one of those phases that it balloons out of control. I own two mascaras, two blushes, two perfumes, one eyebrow kit (still unopened), and two highlighters. You know, modest amounts.

I think part of the whole reason why I go through hoarding phrases is that makeup was never really a thing when I grew up. It wasn’t worn in my house. At all. And I’ve always liked beauty related things. After being told that appearance should never ever matter so don’t you dare fucking make an effort from my very anti-beauty mother for a very long time, I like indulging in it.

It’s just nice to be allowed to do things like this on your own terms. If I want to wear a full face of gemstone coloured make up, then I will. If I want to wear zero makeup, then I will. So what if it leads to a bit of clutter every now and then?

It’s also about trying new things. I like pushing myself outside of my comfort zone with makeup. Try something I haven’t done 90 times before. That’s one of the reasons why I started Character Creator. To have fun and do new things. Because it is fun to paint your face blue. Seriously, you should try it sometime.

Sure, I also spend money on clothes and games. But beyond that it’s food, rent, pool card in summer, study related things and coffee. I do some things with debating (like travel to a competition in Korea) that cost a decent amount. But I don’t have that many things I waste money on. Or even allow myself to indulge in. Vanity is one of the few things I indulge in these days.

So the answer is, yes, I do need this. I just don’t need to keep it.

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