50 Things I Just Don’t Get

  1. Jeans with holes in them – so I know I risk sounding like an absolute grandmother, but I honestly don’t understand this. See, I consider jeans to be something you wear when it’s cold outside and it just seems counterproductive to install ventilation…
  2. Marxism
  3. The appeal of Minecraft
  4. Bronzer – I do not understand the purpose of this item. Have never owned one, have never thought of buying one….
  5. Kale
  6. Why fashion houses and makeup brands include the name of a city in them but they’re not a part of the name itself. DKNY is the exception, but yeah… What’s the point?
  7. Elaborate braids worn on a daily basis – don’t your arms hurt when you do your hair? What’s wrong with a pony tail? Don’t you like sleep?
  8. Coconut Oil – This came from nowhere and now it’s everywhere.
  9. Xbox controllers
  10. Cleanses to clear out “toxins” – do you have a fully functioning pair of kidneys? A liver? They kinda do that for you. Plus, you usually don’t eat a whole lot of poison on a daily basis, I hope.
  11. “Chemical Free!” – Did you not take science at any point during your studies?
  12. The Gluten Obsession – it’s a protein. It’s not making you gain weight, it’s not poisoning you. Why would you not indulge in real pasta every now and then? Unless you’re a poor unfortunate soul who have coeliac disease, there’s nothing harmful about a bit of gluten now and then.
  13. Marathons
  14. People who obsess over wedding planning when they’re single.
  15. Toddlers
  16. Why we call things nude when they’re beige. There’s not a person in the world with that specific colour as their skin colour. Is it because beige sounds boring?
  17. Moustaches
  18. Kitten heels. Why are they named after baby felines? Who on earth wears them? How can people walk in them?
  19. Why other people don’t think tapirs are just as cool as sloths, llamas, or cats. They’re real life pokemon ffs.
  20. Scandinavian interior design – it’s just straight lines, whiteness, and a complete lack of personality. Ugly and sterile in my opinion.
  21. Why people insist on saying random things in a foreign language to bi/multilingual people? You know we speak the same language, right? Let’s use that one. You just look like an ass. Learning a few phrases of a language when visiting another country is a sign of good will and an indicator that you want to overcome a language barrier. When you speak to someone and there is no language barrier, it’s just weird. Like “Thank you for this information, foreigner”.
  22. Why there’s a d in fridge but not in refrigerator.
  23. How some people don’t like chocolate. I get that not everyone loves it, but I don’t get what could possibly be bad about all chocolate tastes.
  24. Why the male process of dressing in formal wear up seems to involve repeated buttoning and unbuttoning of suit jackets.
  25. Duckface
  26. Why mead isn’t more popular.
  27. Hoop earrings
  28. Why Janeway gets so much shit.
  29. Jogging – this must be the single most boring form of exercise there is, why is it so popular?
  30. The Pumpkin Obsession
  31. Why are Paranormal Activity movies still being released?
  32. Why the 70’s are back when the fashion didn’t even look good the first time around.
  33. Converse
  34. Why not all bathrooms are gender neutral when there’s such a thing as cubicles
  35. Why aren’t more bras made in my size? It’s a good size, nothing wrong with it
  36. Hipsters
  37. Hippies
  38. People who celebrate vikings as people who didn’t care about their appearance (apparently that’s what they interpret masculinity as, not caring about your appearance).
  39. Why cleft chins are considered super masculine while dimples are cute on anyone.
  40. The anchor tattoos with the caption “refusing to sink”. You know what an anchor does, right?
  41. Why more cultures don’t have eel parties.
  42. Why I hated olives as a child.
  43. Why we try to bring a winter theme to our christmas celebrations when it’s 40 degrees outside.
  44. Places where martial arts are legal but BDSM is illegal. You can only hit people who don’t enjoy it?
  45. Maccas
  46. Why it’s impossible to buy a coffee after 3pm around here
  47. Why I’m suddenly considering getting a slow cooker
  48. Nail biting
  49. Why all my Brazilian flatmates have been assholes
  50. Insomnia

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