Pumping The Wand – yes we’re starting with this one so that you can get all the dick jokes out of the way. We’re talking about mascara here. Know how people treat their mascaras like they’re bicycle pumps when they want to bring out more product? All that does is pump more air into the tube, an action that makes the product dry out faster and invites even more bacteria to mingle in that black tar you’re going to put on your lashes. Swirl or scrape, just like you’d do when trying to get peanut butter onto a knife from the bottom of the jar.
Split ends can be merged back together with the right product – nope. You can’t make hair grow back together, sure you might be able to glue the ends back together but it’s not going to fix the damage itself. It’s time to get a hair cut.
Plucking grey hairs will make seven more grow back – your hair isn’t out for vengeance and doesn’t change its colour in spite. You’re getting older, not being punished for your sins. Only thing you risk is looking bald if you decide to pluck out half a head of hair… If you’re really concerned about your changing hair colour, make an appointment with your hairdresser to magically turn it into a different colour.
Chemical free is the way to go – Listen to me carefully: EVERYTHING CONTAINS CHEMICALS. You’re all chemicals. There is no such thing as a chemical free product. Chemicals aren’t evil. And no, organic and chemicals are not mutually exclusive terms. Most chemicals are natural. The question is which chemicals the product in question contains and how much of said chemical you’ll be exposed to.
You’ll know your skin is clean when it squeaks – false, it’s just dry. Your skin should feel soft. Not oily, not dry.
Brush your hair with 100 strokes every day to make it stronger – hair is dead. You can’t exercise it. All you’re doing is making it more likely to break by constantly tugging at it.
Drinking water keeps your skin hydrated – not really, it keeps you hydrated. However, what keeps your skin from drying is oil, not water. You can drink gallons of water every day and still have dry skin. If you’re dehydrated, you’ll end up looking sickly, which in turn can make your skin look bad. Drinking a good amount of water is beneficial for your overall health, but it’s not a skin treatment.
Spray tans protect you against the sun – no more than regular eyeshadow does. It’s literally just pigment on your skin, not armour. Use proper sun protection, preferably with SPF 30 or above. Especially if you’re in Australia. If the prospect of skin cancer isn’t enough for you to take sun protection seriously, then know that it’s the single best way to keep your skin from ageing rapidly.
Using botox or other injections before you turn 30 means you won’t get wrinkles – for fuck’s sake. We age. All of us. Gravity doesn’t go away. All you’re doing is literally injecting toxic substances into your skin, usually while talking about ‘clean eating’ at the same time. Anything that prevents you from moving your facial muscles properly should be viewed with suspicion. Yes, botox minimises wrinkles, but it doesn’t prevent them from developing if you start injecting it extra early.
Your skin needs to breathe – cover your nose and mouth. Can you still breathe? No? That’s because your skin is not a part of your respiratory system. Your skin sweats, it’s a part of our internal cooling system. It doesn’t breathe. You don’t need to go without makeup every so often for your skin to breathe, however, it’s a good way to let your skin heal if you’ve damaged it. A healthy skincare routine does the same thing though and it’s only if you feel that something’s not right that you should consider taking a break.