Rebuttal: “15 Reasons Why Dating A Geek Is Worth It. #7 Is Embarrassing But True.”

I’ve decided to start a new series in which I respond to stupid shit I find online.
Last time, it was a list that aimed to tell women exactly what men hate about them.

This time, it’s a list from Tickld that is written by a woman who wants other women to date geek men. She doesn’t really define what she means beyond some incredibly outdated stereotypes. I’ve decided to include this person’s full points so you can see how silly they are and you’ll find my rebuttal in italics below each point.

I don’t mind funny lists, I mind stupid ones. They’re the ones I’ll be targeting

1.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around.
They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

I’m not sure why you assume that geeks don’t get laid. Based on the tone of your post, I’m suspecting you’re directing this at the 20-somethings of the world, possibly people in their late teens. It is a very odd stereotype about adult nerdy virgins that just won’t go away. Assuming that someone’s unrelated hobbies automatically makes them better at sex (especially given that you’re also assuming they have little to no experience) is a very weird assumption to make. I spend a lot of time thinking about bra designs, that doesn’t make me a seamstress. Chances are that the 27yo geek you’ve got your eyes on isn’t a virgin, and if they are, their skill level is probably the same as a regular virgin’s. 

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

I see the 1950’s have made a return, just a shame it’s the part I least like about the 1950’s.
Firstly, you shouldn’t assess a potential boyfriend on how useful they are to you. It’s a relationship, not a job. Secondly, learn to fix your own shit. PCs are fairly easy to mess around with, at least when it comes to troubleshooting and fixing minor issues. Unless you’re paying them, don’t expect others to work for you. Thirdly, do you also date lawyers because you want them to give you legal advice? Accountants so that they can do your taxes? I’m going to hope your answer is no, and I’m going to suggest you start treating people from all walks of life like individuals and not utility tools.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

I wonder exactly what it is about raiding that’s supposed to make people romantic. Does coding unlock a part of the brain that other men don’t use? Mate, if someone makes a website with pictures of you all over it, chances are you have a stalker. That’s a warning sign, not something endearing. I seriously doubt there’s a ‘romantics index’ and that you can determine where someone belongs on said index by looking at their hobbies. 

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ’em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ’em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

Neglected status? They’re not a policy issue that just doesn’t get funding. The geek communities are not meant for you to browse like a sales section. Have you considered dating someone because of things like personality, chemistry, and mutual attraction rather than using a check list? For a post that wants to encourage people to date outside of their ‘type’ it’s rather peculiar that you encourage people to hunt for their exact type. 

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

And other men don’t? Plus, far from all geeks are intelligent. Playing Minecraft doesn’t give you a 6+ intelligence bonus.

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

This is at least an argument I haven’t heard before. However, I find it rather disturbing that you seem to want a dog instead of a boyfriend. Not to mention that you seem to want to aim for people who don’t have a lot of experience with relationships simply because it allows you to get away with more shit. You seem to want to be worshipped by someone you won’t treat too well and that’s not a healthy basis for a relationship. Want someone to worship you? Create a cult. 

7.) While geeks and nerds may be awkward, they’re well-meaning 9 out of 10 times. That smooth dude with the sly grin and the spider hands? Wonder what HIS intentions are… plus, I’ve never had a geek guy not call me when he said he would. Score major points THERE.

I honestly doubt that geeks and nerds are more awkward than others, it’s just that “normal” people insist on dragging them out of their comfort zone. We’re often forced to spend a lot of time discussing things we just aren’t interested in when interacting with people who have different interests, and that gets awkward eventually. I’ve had geeks not call me when they were supposed to, sometimes because they forgot, sometimes because something came up, and sometimes because they didn’t give a fuck. Manipulative assholes exist in all communities, chances are you’ll run into one eventually. Also given that your first point stated that you haven’t slept with a geek guy, I suspect that your list of people who said they’ll call you isn’t that long. How big is your sample size of geeks exactly? That one guy you’ve friend zoned?

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

You seem to have missed the fact that the foodie and geek communities often overlap. Congratulations for turning to the Mountain Dew stereotype, surprised it took you 8 points to get there. Plus, where do you get the idea that a relationship means that you’re meant to be someone’s personal chef? If neither of you likes cooking, order food or cook something simple. If one of you likes cooking, they’ll probably be the one who cooks. If both of you enjoy it, you’ll probably cook together or alternate. We don’t have different nutritional needs than the rest of the world, not even the male members of our community. Sorry to disappoint. 

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen. Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!” Geek Guy: “0000000…” Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store* Geek Guy: “What?” Me: “Never mind…”

Oh darling, this reminds me of when people assume that debating socials are non-alcoholic events where everyone behaves… Sure, clubbing might not be the most popular activity in the geek community but that doesn’t mean that geeks don’t socialise. Ever been to a con?

Firstly, congratulations on managing to include body shaming of skinny women in your post about men. Secondly, you seem to have found someone who is not a geek but who only has one interest and that’s not exactly the same thing. Thirdly, if you’re dating someone and are concerned that they won’t be faithful, that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship. No matter if your partner is a geek or not. 

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

Congratulations, this is why us female geeks are constantly questioned about whether we’re at cons because we want to be there or because our boyfriend dragged us along. Also, I have no clue where you find these people who are walking stereotypes. Does mountain dew even come in cans? You seem to have more trust issues than anyone I’ve ever met because it’s simply not normal to constantly worry about what your partner is up to when you’re not there with them. If you can’t have a single night out with your friends without being paranoid about your partner being up to something, you’ve got issues and/or a problematic relationship.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).

Fucking hell, it’s like you assume that you’ll be a goddess among all these geek men simply because you have ovaries. If you expect people to treat you like a special little princess who is better than them, you are about to be sorely disappointed. You’re not a species they’ve never encountered. You’re not that special, sunshine. The more I read the more it seems like you should see a psychologist, because you’re starting to sound like you have a personality disorder. Also, Dungeons and Dragons is not a fucking hack ‘n slash. 

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

If you are in a relationship with someone but can’t wear a t-shirt around them, it’s not a good sign. If you’re in a relationship with someone who demands you wear makeup, it’s time to leave. Plus, this is once again not related to that person’s hobbies. 

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…

Or they dropped out of school. Or have a completely average education. Or they’re a nurse. Or a mechanic. Geeks come from all walks of life and are united only by their common hobbies and interests. Also, do not, and I repeat, DO NOT, start discussing politics at a con or any other geek meet up. It’s a topic that’s usually avoided, as is religion. Try treating people like actual people and have a regular discussion with them, geek or not. They might surprise you.

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…

Clearly you’ve never seen Twitch chat. Or any in game chat. I give you about two seconds before someone calls you N00B if you behave they way you have in your post.

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

You seem to have had a lot of shitty people in your life. It’s not about you finding a geek or not, you need a relationship with mutual respect. Something that truly does seem to be missing from how you want to treat geeks. Also, why do you assume that someone who is a geek does not also care about your appearance or how you present yourself?  You should never enter a relationship based on “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!”. It’s just a bad idea. As is dating a specific type of person and expect them to live up to a lot of outdated stereotypes.

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